Filipino guy in Los Angeles, talking about his daily blah, reality tv, world events... a little bit of everything

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Not-So-Hurricane Ernesto

As it turns out, tropical storm Ernesto didnt have enough punch to be upgraded to a hurricane. Apparently, Ernesto is not even a storm but a tropical depression. Oh well, maybe in another 4 years (when they recyle the names) I'll live up to all my trash talking in my previous post : )

Other updates:

*My third year of graduate school officially started this week. It doesnt feel like a new school year because I dont have to take classes anymore, just my laboratory thesis work, so it seems like I'm just a worker-bee and not a student. My experiments are crap, week-long process that leads up to nothing. Some days I feel like this is not for me but there are days when things are going great in lab, I'm a nerd on crack. 2 years down 3 more to go....

*I just bought I a new used bike. Im just sick of my old mountain bike so its time for a change. This new/used bike is a road bike, much lighter frame, fits me well, has those skinny tires, and it even includes those bars that professional bikers use when they cruise down hills/mountains. Although its a 2002 Trek bike, it looks and works like its brand new. The former owner even gave me some spare tubes, pump and an electronic speedometer, odometer device thingy attached on the handle bars. Oh yeah, it was bargain considering the model, year and state of the bike. I paid $350 for a bike that cost $1100!

*It was The Boyfriend's birthday last weekend. Although he told me not to do anything (he really didnt want me to plan anything) I still planned something. Not some grand party, just dinner with friends and maybe a bonfire where we can roast some marshmallows and make smores. Unfortunately, I'm the worst event planner. Not only did I wait last minute to call people (most of his friends couldnt come due to prior plans), I also didnt consider the time that the beach is open. So come Saturday night, only my friends and his best friends showed up, I made reservations but this place still made us wait for about half an hour, it didnt seem like everyone got enough to eat, and we didnt get to go set up a bonfire. I just had most of the folks come over The Boyfriend's place to eat carrot cake and watch a couple of episodes of "Strangers With Candy" (I'm addicted to this show its so wrong and funny, an after school special gone awry). After the second episode, I could tell that everyone was ready to call it a night. Oh well, dont call me to plan any event coz Im just going to ruin it.

*I dont want to invest too much time discussing my reality shows and tv in general but heres a quick summary of what I've been wasting my life away these past few weeks.

Big Brother--- Janelle all the way! Will is the devil and Erika and Boogie are just his devilletes. Poor Danielle will be backdoored by her own alliances. Chicken George needs to continue acting clueless coz he might just win this whole thing with that strategy.

Rockstar --- Dilana needs to win and Toby needs to run around some more naked or just keep talking coz his Australian accent is so hot. Ryan needs to lighten up and stop trying too hard. Storm needs to try out for "Rent" the musical, Lucas is creepy, lastly Magni is adorable, I'm sure people in Reykjavic is proud of him for putting Iceland on primetime tv.

Real World--- Good season, not as great as the original three but then again thats been over 15 years ago so its not fair to compare. Tyler is the bitchiest bitch ever, and kudos for the high kicks.

Project Runway --- Jeffrey is M and H (mean and hurtful) he made a hideous outfit making an older woman look like a cross between Harry Potter character (school uniform) and Star Trek character. Love Laura and her nonchalant attitude about having her piglets and adding yet another one to the pile. Michael or Uli will win.

Emmy Awards --- Some parts were funny, some were coma-inducing. Anyway, I was happy to find out that Lesley Jordan won (Best Guest Actor)coz he lives on my street! I've seen him several times, walking down the street and at the cafe ordering iced tea with loads of sugar(wow Im like a stalker). I'm such a big fan of his hilarious work (not just Will and Grace but also movies and plays he's been in)

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Goodbye Pluto...Part Deux

Before I continue the story, I would like to point out that there is a tropical storm Ernesto in the Carribean right now and its bound to hit the U.S. mainland sometime next week, most likely turning into a hurricane. I'm not sure if this one's going to be strong but if it is, I take no responsibility in any loss of life, property and internet connections.

Ok, back to the after posting the first part and after receiving comments about it, I've decided to finish it off with an abbreviated one paragraph summary. Why? Because I for one got bored towards the end re-reading what I posted. My attention span is as short as those juicy shorts that college women would wear out in the gym (very short). Refer back to the previous post to re-acquaint yourself with the list of characters and the roles they play.

After Saturn informed Pluto about his impending doom, Mercury and Neptune (both in the Freaks and Geeks group) approached Pluto since they felt bad for the young bloke. Both knew that even if they join forces, they're not going to be able to physically protect poor Pluto. Neptune suggested that Pluto better start increasing his rotations so he can escape the wrath of Jupiter. Mercury suggested that Pluto should go immediately to Principal Sun for protection but Pluto insisted that he doesnt want to take any more heat from the principal. All of a sudden, a shadow casts over was Jupiter. Pluto slowly turned around and in an instant was knocked off his revolutionary path by the powerful Jupiter. The rest of the planets/students just watched. Earth, forever self-centered, screamed out loud since the attention wasn't on her. Her banshee-like scream caught Mr. Sun's attention. The Principal demanded an explanation for all the ruckus but since Pluto is still quite unstable from the attack, and Jupiter still fuming from his successful bullying assault, only Earth spoke up and explained what happened (of course it's completely biased and made herself the sole victim). Mr. Sun was easily swayed by Earth's Hollywood-like acting complete with fake tears( not to mention she is his favorite student in Solar System High School). He praised Jupiter for his valiant effort to protect Earth and scolded Pluto and told him to go to the Principal's office where Ms. Moon, (the school secretary) in her usual lifeless demeanor called up Pluto's parents and instructed them to pick him up. The following week Pluto never returned to Solar System High. They later found out that he transferred to a magnet school for the gifted kids called Dwarf High School, where being different was an asset and not something to be ashamed off. There he finished his high school years together with his best new friends, Asteroid and Comet. --------------The End

What's the lesson of the story.... That one day, a hurricane Ernesto will wreak havoc, so bow down bitches!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Goodbye Pluto...

The inner dork in me just can't ignore today's announcement that our dear solar system just "eliminated" poor Pluto off the list of what is considered a planet. Well, the blame for this ridiculous change in defining what a planet really is lies on the even dorkier group of the International Astronomical Union who had a meeting in Prague (I'm sure they chose this place coz its fairly close to Russia so they can have a side trip to visit their Russian mail-order bride since they probably cant get any dates). It sucks because I can no longer use my favorite mnemonic (the first letter of each word corresponds to the nine... ooopppss now 8 planets relative to their distance from the sun):

My Very Eager Mother Just Sent Us Nine Pets

Anyway, whatever the reasons behind this change, I'm sure its not as fascinating as my own made-up scenario of what happened to Pluto. The inner gay (combined to my previously mentioned inner dork) in me just had to make fun of this whole mess. Picture this ( and I need you to really try to imagine it eventhough its a ridiculous premise), the solar system is like high school. Yes I said it, the solar system is like high school. Each planet played stereotypical roles similar to that of the typical jock, nerd, artist etc. Here's the characters:

"The In Crowd"

*Earth--- The queen bee of the entire school. She lives off attention and would rather be shot
than be seen wearing the same outfit within the same month. She has a posse who
follows everthing she says and does. (For those who'se seen "Mean Girls" she's Regina)

*Mars---- Earth's 1st in command, she is intelligent but very insecure. (Again, based on
"Mean Girls" she's Gretchen). She knows that she can be the queen bee someday
but in the meantime, she defers to Earth's ridiculous rules.

*Venus---Earth's 2nd in command. All she wants to do in life is to marry a filthy rich, old,
senile man and get all of his money after he dies (ala Anna Nicole).

"The Jocks/Cheerleaders"

*Jupiter---The alpha male, every girl wants him except Earth coz they used to date before but
she totally dumped him because he made out with Saturn under the bleachers. He
is still in love with Earth but is still with Saturn coz she's easy.

*Saturn---The lead cheerleader, she can do splits mid air while puking her guts out after eating her lunch that consist of Listerine thin mints.

*Uranus--Jupiter's right wing man. He is also a jock with some feminine mannerisms. A closet
case, Uranus decided to join all sort of team sports so he can smack the other guys
in the ass and so he can always be the one to drop the soap in the shower.

"The Freaks and Geeks"

*Mercury--The quiet kid. The one who has the best probability of blowing up the school.
Mostly by himself, spraying graffiti and torturing the school squirrels,
no one bothers him because they're afraid of what he's capable of doing coz he's
such a hot head.

*Neptune-- The artsy kid. He's also in band, and other student groups. He tries to be civil
with every group but will occasionally get picked on by the jocks when he plays the trumpet during Friday night football games. Constantly made fun by the "Mean Girls" because of her odd sense of fashion.

*Pluto---- The new kid in school. He's not only physically smaller, he's also struggling to blend in with the other groups thus ending up in the "Freaks, Geeks and other
unimportant kids". Constantly getting shoved around the lockers and had been
submerged in toilet water.

One day, in the cafeteria, the "Mean Girls" were discussing if they will forever ban trucker hats and uggs boots. Most of the talking was between Mars and Venus with Earth just pretending to listen to whatever the two were saying. All of a sudden, Earth felt something splashed on her fake extensions...

Earth: [In her valley girl accent] " Ohhhh my what the hell is this? Its totally eww!"

Venus: "Oh Earth, are you okay? That new kid (Pluto) walked by and I think he totally spilled something on you."

Mars: "I saw it too. He's like in sooo much trouble. "

Venus: "Oh my, Earth let me get something to clean you up."

Earth: "Dont touch my hair, I can do it. (Uses a Kleenex to dry the tiny area where Pluto's opened water bottle, almost falling over the cafeteria tray thus spilling a little bit of water. She then started to brush her hair). I'm sooo gonna make sure that that new kid is banished off this school."

The Jocks had just finished their morning practice so they decided to stop by the cafeteria. As they walked in, they heard all the clucking of the "Mean Girls". Jupiter, still in love with Earth, decided to find out whats going on. Together with Uranus (who decided to wear a Hane's ribbed A-shirt, two sizes too small thus revealing his nipple ring), the Jocks started walking but got intercepted by Saturn.

Saturn: "Hi Honey! Guess what, I lost 1 pound because of last night (and she winks)."

Jupiter: "Uh huh thats good." (never really paying attention).

Saturn: "Uhmmm where are you going? Do you want to have a repeat performance tonight? Do you want to pick me up? Do you want to? Do you want to?

Jupiter: " Uhmmmm I'm busy" (continued to walk, leaving Saturn all pissed off feeling completely dissed).

The girls are still making a scene when Jupiter and Uranus finally approached them.

Jupiter: "Hi ladies! What's going on? Is everything ok?"

Earth: "No, everything is not ok. Everything is shit! That new kid (again Pluto) spilled an entire bowl of hot soup all over me (completely exaggerated and full of lies). Does'nt he know who I am? Uh, like I can totally make his life a living hell"

Jupiter: "What?!?! Thats insane. Where is he? I'm going to beat him up."

Uranus: "Awesome idea dude"

Venus and Mars: "Like make him pay for all the pain that he caused Earth"

Earth: "Thanks girls for noticing...look at me, I'm all flustered and icky. Girls, I need to go freshen up in the ladies room"

Earth stood up and everyone made room for her to walk. Her posse following after her. Jupiter and Uranus started to walk around trying to find Pluto. Saturn, was eavesdropping all along and used her cheerleading skills doing some stunt-like jumps and cartwheels to get to the table where Pluto was sitting. She decided that since Jupiter has been ignoring her, she's going to screw up Jupiter's plan by warning Pluto.

Saturn: "Excuse me, are you the new kid?"

Pluto: "I guess so. Why do you ask?"

Saturn: "Well my boyfriend, know the captain of the football team, is hunting you down. Apparently, you spilled soup and salad and meatloaf on her (more exaggerations).

Pluto: (In disbelief, considering he's having water and a tuna sandwich for lunch) "Uhmmm... I dont know what you're talking about."

Saturn: "Well, like I'm just being nice here, letting you know about it. Regardless of what you did or did not do, you better hide or else your dead."

To Be Continued....

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I've just about.....

....pooped myself when I found out that the DVD for the first season of Beverly Hills 90210!!!!! is coming out soon (Nov 7). Mark your calendars, and prepare your best 90's get up, I'm going to throw a 90210 (via 90039) party as soon as this comes out. Apparently, Melrose Place is coming out the same day but we can only have one zip code per party rule...maybe the next one but for now I want people to gear up to relive the 90's......Holy crappolla! How about I make everyone dress up to their favorite character...I'm not sure if more like Brenda Walsh or am I Andrea Zuckerman...hmmm

....outgay-ed myself when I submitted an email to the most popular blog devoted to Project Runway. As seen from my earlier post, I'm a self-confessed Project Runway addict (after the season I will sign up for a 12-step program). This weekend I thought about submitting my garbage chic-inspired dress to the bloggers of "Blogging Project Runway". I just wanted them to know the extent of how this show makes people behave out of the norm... guess what...they actually posted my email (with some missing words thus making me look like an idiot in addition to being overtly gay). Check it out, click here, scroll down I'm like the 4th fan mail down (you can tell coz the same pictures were there).

Friday, August 18, 2006

Project Runway 3: Garbage Chic!

Since my last entry was just too long that it put my sister to sleep when she was reading it...i'll keep this short. I'M ADDICTED TO PROJECT RUNWAY! "How addicted?" you asked. Well, before this past week's episode where the designers had to create an outfit using recycled materials from a New Jersey recycling facility, I had already made an outfit using plastic bags and clear tape. I posted this before but as a reminder here's the link from my blog post.

Maybe i'll start diving in dumpsters... to get new materials for my next work... How does a cocktail dress made of old dried banana peels and McDonalds hamburger wrappers sound? (j/k)

Uli's dress was my favorite ( I did like Michael's but I thought this one
really looked like a real intricate fabric)

How the F**K did Vincent end up staying with this piece of crap. I was soooo weirded out coz he kept describing it like he's a pervert getting off to some sick kiddy porn...Anyway, this piece of crap "dress" looks like some kid decorated a sack of flour.

Poor Allison. Yes she made her model look like Minnie Mouse and she made her look slightly bigger than she already is (compared to all the other models) but once in a while things just doesnt work out. I do like all the folding and the assymetry of the dress but overall it didnt work. Despite of her lapse in judgement, I still love Allison. I thought she was going to make it to the top three who will show for the Spring Fashion Week. My original prediction was Allison, Michael and maybe Keith/Jeffrey (always need a hated character in there). Now it could be Michael, Kayne and Jeffrey/Laura (she has turned evil these past few weeks).

Friday, August 11, 2006

L.A. Blah: The neighborhood prostitute

I'm starting a series of stories about fascinating things I've seen/experienced/heard in the past I've been living in L.A. Its such a big metropolis with all sorts of neighborhoods so I dont think I'll run out of stories to tell (that is I can get my lazy self to actually write). What better way to start but to focus on the notoriety of Hollywood at night.

Hollywood is definitely a touristy during the day. Attracting people from all over the world, gawking at the stars on Hollywood Blvd (and adjacent streets), strolling pass cheesy souvenir stores selling everything from t-shirts to vibrators. At night, its a completely different story. The seedy side of Hollywood shows up.

After hanging with my friends on a Thursday night in West Hollywood, I decided that its time to go home (I think its about 2AM) since I still have to go to work 6 hours later. I was driving east on Santa Monica Blvd. with only a few other cars sort of in a group with me. Right before the 101 freeway (cant remember the intersection) I could see that the light coming up had just turned yellow so I slowly braked. All of a sudden a woman stepped out of the light post that she probably was leaning on. With only one yellow-ish street light illuminating her, I could barely see the woman. She's slightly on the heavy side, wearing a black mid-riff top, a very short skirt, her hair is all messed up. I could've mistaken her for a homeless person except she had tons of make up (her face looks a lot lighter tone than the rest of her body) and some high-heeled stripper shoes. Now the lights in some of these intersection are time-programmed while others have sensors that can detect which d

irection has cars on it. This intersection has the former kind, thus I had to wait (with about four other cars) for that light to change to green. I was just staring at the light but I could see the woman in my peripheral vision. ALL OF A SUDDEN, WITH ONE QUICK MOVE, SHE PUSHED HER TOP DOWN, REVEALING HER ENORMOUS TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!

Saying that I was surprised is a bit of an understatement. It was more like, scared, intrigued, and weirdly enough concerned. Did I stare? Of course I did...who wouldn't? It was like passing by an accident, you cant help but rubber neck. Now let me explain my mixed reaction to this. First I was scared because I wasnt sure what she's going to do next. My virgin eyes (ok thats a lie) had been visually attacked by all that boobs. I was afraid that she's going to walk towards the car to make sure that we (remember that there were other cars around me) had seen her. After a second or two, I then became intrigued. She seems harmless, just jiggling her stuff, showing it off! As a gay man, I wasnt particularly excited by this (theres something about flaunting your stuff in publlic is not very exciting to me even with guys as I could recall that I was not sexually aroused by watching the two guys on that show "Puppetry of the Penis). All I could think about was how bad of a job she w

as doing...(which led me to the last reaction of concern).

A little bit of a backstory before I continue (I promise its connected). I spent the first half of my life in Olongapo City in the Philippines. Olongapo is like Las Vegas but definitely more adult oriented. The city became one of the two leading prostitution hubs in the country because of the American Naval base that was present there for almost a century. Wherever you find sailors theres a good chance you'll find prostitutes...and there were lots of them. My mom's family owned some studio-sized one bedroom apartments adjacent to our own house. Some renters were families but it was mostly the "working girls". Some people may say they were raised by wolves...WELL I WAS RAISED BY PROSTITUTES! (just kidding). I learned a lot (in fact way too much) from these old neighbors of mine. They would always tell us work-related stories (being part of a menage a trois or how one guy is as hung as horse etc). One neighbor in particular is Tess. She was a feisty and very voluptuous conside

ring her petite stature. She was loud as fuck and had her boyfriend on a very tight leash. They would always fight, probably mostly because of her job (or mainly because she's insane). One time she chased him with a bolo knife and they both were "arrested" by the local barangay patrol (similar to a neighborhood watch group). Anyway, despite her crazy antics, Tess was always nice to us kids and she was a source of exciting stories.

Going back to my original story (with the teachings from Tess), I felt concern for this woman on the street corner of Hollywood mostly because she's not doing a good job. Heres a few things she did wrong:

1. Entice customers but dont scare them away --- Don't flaunt the goods leaving nothing to imagination. Thats bad business approach. I understand that its already very late at night but letting the puppies out on an intersection is not exactly a good move regardless of how desperate you are. Maybe a quick slip but nothing like what she was doing.

2. Know your demographics --- She is in the wrong street. See the thing is, theres a good chunk of drivers on Santa Monica Blvd. at 2 AM are probably batting for the other team. Since most of the gay clubs are on Santa Monica, the gay guys (ie. me) is not exactly part of your demographics (regardless of how drunk they are). With this in mind, I suggest that she moves up a few blocks north to Sunset Blvd. or a few more blocks to Hollywood Blvd. These streets are lined up with straight bars and touristy places. She might even score a night with Hugh Grant or Eddie Murphy (but he's probably going to ignore her coz she's not a transvestite).

3. Packaging --- The very first thing that a customer will notice is how you present (both clothes and attitude) yourself, then they look closer at the product. Once again showing all the product at once is too aggressive and probably wont work. Wearing stripper shoes is also not very cute and probably will hurt your feet standing on that corner. Too much make up can also turn you from just another prostitute to a clown and thats definitely going to scare away the customers...

So whats the point of this post...nothing really....I just thought that I should post about a little experince I had while living here in L.A. Dont get me wrong, I'm not making fun of prostitutes nor am I fully in support of their jobs..I'm somewhere in the middle.

Ooopppsss the light just turned green... I stepped on the gas and sped up with a smile on my face...She's not exactly Julia Roberts so I'm sure that no Richard Gere will pick her up, but I'm sure someone is desperate enough to buy what she's selling.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

New Haircut and Drunken Stories

So this past weekend, I asked The Boyfriend to cut my hair. Instead of the usual #2 guard on the sides and back and a trim on the top, I opted to take a risk. A military haircut. I hated it at first but I'm used to it now. Here's some pictures:

I posted my drunken stories on LiveJournal and I cant seem to copy and paste it here. So just check it out click here

Here's a video that kinda shows my drunken story click here.